


Refuge in Return

by Laplace_Aura



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Bleeding Out, Death of Self-Sacrifice, Dying in Their Arms, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Role Reversal - other character dies, Time Loop - Looping Character Keeps Dying, Time Loop - looping character sees their loved ones die again and again, canon character death, the second ship isn't a focus of this fic tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laplace_Aura/pseuds/Laplace_Aura
Summary: Those who pilot the evangelion units are cursed in many ways, and the question looms as to whether it can be averted in a fashion.The Illustrious Mari Makinami finds her own answer to it.
Relationships: Akagi Ritsuko/Ibuki Maya, Ikari Yui/Makinami Mari Illustrious
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Deadly Intent Exchange





	Refuge in Return

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HandmaidenOfHorror](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HandmaidenOfHorror/gifts).



Birth, life, and death were altogether a natural system. Man's introduction of the eva and eventual instrumentality were a subversion of that and more. As the hands ticked by on a clock like they had before on a wall that she'd seen before, and listening to a professor's lecture she'd heard before despite it's newly-written status... it occurred to the pilot reliving her *actual* youth like this was another ugly side-effect of it all.

It wasn't all bad she knew, as the lucidity came and went. Most of the other loops went by without incident as she gradually absorbed more of her past into muscle memory. The creeping existential dread about the reality of the loop was it's own sensation that came and went, but Mari knew that was less the curse and more instrumentality. On the off-chance it wasn't she came to decide the solution was something more herself and less a matter of consequence.

  


"Hey Yui, are you headed to lunch?" Ritsuko asked upon seeing her friend start for the door. 

"Yeah but I promise I won't take too long." Yui said back.

"It's not that, I think we're good for a bit. Are you eating with anyone today?"

"Not really, I was just thinking of grabbing something from the cafeteria real quick." Yui said, and went silent for a moment in thought before replying again, "Were you wanting to go with?" 

"Something like that. How about we go out instead of hitting up the cafeteria, my treat." The blonde replied with an almost sinister look in her eye. 

"Oh sure... hey, Rits, don't tell me-"

"It's _been_ a while... I'm not doing this _just_ to gossip." She claimed as she put on her coat and headed for the door with Yui.

  


Ritsuko Akagi leaned back in her seat at the booth still coming down from her own laughter before adding "-and so she tells me _that_ was the final straw."

Yui giggles, "Well I guess it means she's onto the next bachelor."

Ritsuko lifted her glass up in mock-toast to the next man her mother dates, "Cheers to whatever horror story she ropes in next... so whats next, whats next," She mused running her finger along the rim of her glass before finally sitting upright and looking straight at Yui, "So earlier this morning The Illustrious Makinami-"

"Hey, you know the rule about colleagues-" Yui tried to protest their junior being brought up while not present to defend herself.

"Ah but dear Yui this is different, she was talking about you~"

"Oh?"

"I was just passing by the president's office when I overheard her. See I thought there was some sort of tension between you two, but there I find she's putting your name on a pedestal." 

"Really?"

"I didn't get to stick around much longer to find out... secretary noticed I was standing a little too close to the door." She said with a sigh and leaned back in her seat.

Yui tried not to spit her drink out as she heard the confession, "Rits..."

  


In months to come Mari found herself in that same office again, being told that her commendation had actually gotten both Yui a spot and that one had been made for her in addition. Time came and went again until she was finding herself once more picking up the mice and getting them back into their cages and once more returning the glasses that would shortly become her own. She didn't have to wish Ikari Yui the best from a separate sky. The daily routine blended slowly but surely until she found herself looking at a calendar two years later and realizing this impact would be different. 

  


Mari felt like she had been shaken about save for what of her wouldn't move. Sound coming back to her as she looked up into the eyes of her senior until she could clearly hear her shout "Makinami-san!

"So that's what it was..." Mari said, her eyes hazy as it was coming back to her, "Are you alright Yui-san?"

"Y..yeah, I am." Yui replied, but a sad look was across her face. She reached over to stroke the side of her head, and the young woman realized she was laying down with her head in the other's lap. As she tried to get up she felt something cold and sharp preventing her from moving, and trying made it feel like she was choking on LCL for the first time again. Her head turned and she began to cough up her own blood. "Don't move too much. I wasn't able to get it off you... but I'm sure when the ambulance gets here they'll be able to help." Yui told her with a distant look before turning to pull her purse off the desk beside her. 

Mari reached with her free arm and tugged at Yui's sleeve, "The line will be busy Yui. You don't need to worry about calling." She turned her head to cough again spilling out more red onto the floor, "The quakes weren't just here... they're everywhere."

"T-Then I'll go get some help, we can get you to a hospital-" Yui started up with desperation and hope mixing in her eyes. Mari didn't need to turn her head to look as she could see the reality in the reflection of those beautiful eyes. During the quake she'd pushed Yui to get her out of the way from a shelving unit that was shaking itself apart, and in the process had been impaled in multiple places.

"It's ok Ikari-senpai..." She said.

"Makinami-san..."

"You know, I was really happy to have someone else I knew on the team." Mari said, her hand now clasped with Yui's and struggling to hold on. The world loses it's feeling slowly as Yui brushes her hand against Mari's hair one more time, but surely it does fade to black like times before. The difference this time would be the sound of Yui's sobbing.

  


And then it's back again to the same routine... until it's another break. If it all comes back together anyway where's the rush in a detour? It would be better if it didn't have to end in the conflict of a shortage riot or the apartment's floor collapsing as a shockwave hit, but it ended all the same and she found herself starting over once more.

Was it the curse of eva that meant she'd come back from anything, or just a consequence of everything seen during instrumentality? In the end it meant the same days pre-impact until the day it'd change to post, where the world would fall into chaos for a time until it settled back together... and she'd find through the grapevine that the woman she'd fallen for had made herself one with eva. Was it selfish to steal her away from that fate for a few years each time? Was there knowing guilt between the tender eyes of Ikari Yui for these alternate lives lived out?

  


"So that should be everything. It would be better if you could talk back and ask some questions sure, but until a better loop that should be everything..." Mari said, as she reached up to her face and pulled her glasses off and set then down on the dashboard of the plug. "If only it was you I'd get to go into battle against Zeruel with rather than Ms Zeppelin Soryu. Don't get me wrong she's great... so long as she isn't annoyed at me for being someone other than Asuka..." She defensively explained to the LCL and the sleeping soul in the eva whether she was listening or not, "but either way I bet it would result in us taking down Zeruel without causing the Third."

She stroked the dashboard slowly, and smiled. "Alright Senpai, I'll see you around again..." She said and stood up looking at the visual feed. The LCL gurgled as she put out the last command to render the sync ratio almost useless. In the command chamber she could just barely see the dot she knew was Maya now floundering to cut the connection entirely and prevent yet another Unit 01 incident.

  


The timid young woman approached her as she was toweling dry. Almost reminded Mari of herself, but only almost. "We weren't expecting to see anyone beyond Rei test at that level with Unit 01, but you handled the test really well Makinami-chan. Even with the crash and all..." 

"To tell you the truth I wasn't even expecting to get near what Asuka managed." Mari said, rubbing the back of her head slyly. "You'll be busy with the paperwork for a bit right?"

Maya nodded and gave her a knowing smile, "Were you wanting to fulfill your end already?" 

"Yeah," She said as she walked around a corner to change while Maya pulled out a tablet and set to work while she could. "You're going to want to invite her over for dinner sometimes, sooner the better. Make sure not to put any tv dinner crap on the table she deals with enough of that from Misato.."

She could hear Maya chuckle at that, "You sound like you go a whole ways back with Ritsuko, Mari-chan."

"In a past life *maybe*. I'm just a girl who pays attention when Misato gossips," She said and emerged in her day-clothes. Maya stood up and began the way back to the office with her in tow, "Now onto what brand she smokes-"

**Author's Note:**

> aaaa sorry if this one's rough. I wasn't able to find a beta for ooc and I haven't watched the third rebuild film yet.   
> The second I saw this one I had a hunch as to what I should go for, and really enjoyed writing it. Almost literally any eva ship is bound to be sad or tragic, and even without some "all timelines connect in a loop" mechanic going on this one still takes the cake. The looping concept here is one I got from a theory a while back regarding what people expect to see confirmed in 3.33.


End file.
